Premarital counseling isn’t something that you have to do. Still, most pastors that agree to officiate your service will ask that you participate in a few counseling sessions. And that’s where we come in because before you attend your first session, you’re going to want to have an idea of what you want to talk about in marriage counseling before marriage.
Knowing what issues you want to discuss will ensure that you start your marriage off on the right foot and create a strong foundation. Without further ado, let’s get right into what you want to work through when you attend marriage counseling.
1. Do You Want Children?
It seems silly that you would be dating someone for a long time and not know if they want to have children or not. But, would you be surprised if we told you that it’s a common occurrence for people not to know their partner does or doesn’t want kids until they’ve already said: “I Do?”
Before you take the next step in your relationship, you need to discuss whether you want children in the future in couples counseling. This is beneficial if having children or not having children will be a deal-breaker for you.
Or you can also discuss whether you’d be flexible in your decision if the person you’re in counseling with is someone you don’t want to lose over having children. But, take into consideration that the decision to have children or not to have children is not one that you should take lightly.
Children require a great deal of love and care to grow into productive human beings. And that takes parents that love them.
2. Future Career Moves
Are you someone that’s looking for a promotion at work? Or are you comfortable staying in the same position no matter what? These things are crucial to discuss because you’ll want to understand what your partner intends to do for the rest of their lives.
If you’re marrying someone that isn’t set on the job that their in, but you know there’s a chance that you’ll be promoted to another department with an increase in pay, this could be useful. But, it can also cause problems if your spouse isn’t as driven as you are to climb the career ladder.
Take time to discuss the possibility of one parent staying home if you have children and how that would affect your relationship. You need to know if that’s the route you choose to take that your partner isn’t overwhelmed assuming the household’s financial responsibilities.
3. Money Expectations
73% of people manage money in a way that is almost always different from how their partner manages there money. And that’s why it’s one of the main destroyers of relationships.
When you’re in counseling before marriage, you need to take time to get on the same page when it comes to money. Remember that before you, your partner was in control of their own finances. It’s not detrimental if they continue to manage their money in a way that works for them.
That is unless they tend to find themselves in debt because they mismanage money. Ensure that you discuss the action of becoming one after marriage and that you need to put the needs of your household first before purchasing things that you want.
This will help you both to find common ground about money without allowing it to tear you apart.
4. Talk Religion
It’s taboo to marry someone who doesn’t have the same faith as you or isn’t willing to convert in some cultures. Before you get married, discuss religion as it can prove to be a deal-breaker.
Also, during this time, you’re going to want to discuss which religion you’re hoping to want to raise your children in. Knowing these things before you get married will help you resolve future conflicts easier if you can refer to the counseling session in which you discussed the route you’d be taking.
5. Improve Communication
Have you ever heard of the five love languages? Everyone has a different love language, meaning how they show love, and everyone also has a different way of communicating.
Without even knowing it, the way that you communicate may drive your partner crazy. And that’s why it’s essential to discuss with them any issues that they think you both may have when it comes to communication.
And ways that you can work on improving these channels of communication. When you’re both actively working on improving your communication channels and how you speak to each other can help when it comes to fights and discussions in the future.
Remember that once you’re married, you become one. And therefore, you’re not fighting against each other, but as teammates. And one of the worst feelings is not being able to communicate effectively with your partner.
Marriage Counseling Before Marriage
When it comes to marriage counseling before marriage, there are tons of things that you need to discuss before you take a walk down the aisle. From talking about how you’ll manage money in your household to whether or not you want kids in the future.
If you’re looking for a counselor that you can trust to help you and your partner work through these things, contact Olja Haglund Counseling. They specialize in individual and couples therapy to help you work through issues you think you and your partner may have.
Remember, couples counseling is to ensure that you enter into marriage with the best foundation that you can possibly have.
I’m Olja Haglund, a licensed master social worker (LMSW) and certified advanced alcohol and drug counselor (CAADC) in Grand Rapids, MI. I partner with clients to achieve specific goals, make changes, and develop coping skills that make life easier to live authentically.